The consequences of your decisions
by Beau2809
Summary: Snape has died, and has entered the Afterlife. He thought one thing, but someone is there to tell him otherwise. Snape bashing, don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

A/N this is Harry's universe, not Lyra's, and it happens after Snape dies.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, never has been, never will be, I'm just honouring Jo in being inspired by her work. I don't want the magic to ever die.

Severus' eyes closed, the imprint of Lily Evans' eyes carved on to his mind. He did not know what happened after death, but he knew that after all he had done, Lily would forgive him wholeheartedly.

When he woke up, in the light green pasture of the park in Cokeworth, the sunlight flickered down through the trees and the swings were moving, ever so slightly, in the breeze. The familiar brook babbled in the background. The birds sang, swooping from one tree to another. And she was there. Lily. The love of his life.

He stood up, quickly. He did not want to appear weak in front of her. He wanted to be strong, to be impressive, to be loved. She approached, and smiled. Oh that blissful smile that he had longed for twenty three years. He smiled back, his black eyes hungry for her love. His arms opened, craving for her to embrace him, to admit her love for him.

Lily stopped, her eyes suddenly cold. "No."

His heart stopped, his eyes cold. "What?"

She looked at him. "Thank you for protecting Harry, Severus."

"I'm Sev to you." Her eyes flickered to his, her emerald eyes hardening. "I'm just a mudblood to you, Severus. Thank you for looking after Harry, and I am grateful, but I haven't forgiven you for fifth year, and I haven't forgiven you for overhearing the prophesy, or for telling it to Voldemort. Then you went to Dumbledore, and begged him to protect me and let my husband and son be murdered -" "and then I realised how stupid I was and asked him to protect all of you!" His voice was desperate now, his hopes for their reunion still present, but fading. "But you never wanted them to survive, Severus! Never! You asked Voldemort to let me live for you to keep as a toy!"

"That was only a lie!" He shouted desperately, "he'd never have let you live if he had known that I was in love with a mudbl- and Muggleborn!"

Her voice was cold and harsh. "You don't know what love is, Severus. I do. I've been reared with love, I fell in love, and I know a mothers love for her son. If you truly loved me, you would have been happy that I was happy. And don't think that I didn't hear you call me a mudblood just then. That's all I am to you. That's all I ever will be. Just some toy, some prize in your game for power, in your effort to be better than James. And do you really think, that had I not died for my baby, had I been left alive by Voldemort and handed to you to do as you wish, that I would have been happy? That I would have forgotten that I had loved another, forgotten that I had been a mother and my child had died?"

She took a step back. "My love for James wasn't to spite you, Severus, it never had anything to do with you. Never!"

Now his face closed, his anger leaping up and throwing itself out of his mouth. "Don't mention the Potter idiot to me! He was a bully, he made my life a misery! And then his spawn came along and was as arrogant as his father, breaking rules and bullying my students just as he did!"

At this, Lily's head snapped up like a lion, and when she spoke, her voice was bristling with anger. "How dare you mention James like that! How dare you talk about Harry like that! Harry was my son as much as he was James', he was born as a result of our love for each other!" And now her voice was incredulous. "As for students, don't you dare lie to me. You were a teacher, albeit a poor one. You don't address students as spawn, not in your head, and not to their parents. James and I were watching Harry, we can do that here. We watched him grow up with my sister and her family and we were impressed with how well he turned out, considering." She took a breath, her fists clenching at her sides.

"And we watched his time at Hogwarts. We watched his first lesson with you. We watched every lesson with you. And we were both furious. Harry never showed any signs of being arrogant, he wanted to enjoy potions but you ruined that, he broke rules to save his friends.. As for bullying, I think you need to look closer to home for that. Harry never bullied anyone. Not once. He was always the recipient of abuse. From most Houses, but especially yours. Draco Malfoy bullied him relentlessly, as you know, and my husband and I saw you encourage that. And you bullied him. My child who had never done anything wrong, was constantly thrown abuse by his teacher. And you mocked James' death. There is a line one shouldn't cross when it comes to people's dead relatives, and mocking an orphan's dead father crossed it."

"But you chose Potter over me!" He spat, his face furious.

"I didn't choose anyone over you! I fell in love with James. You chose Voldemort and his 'blood purity' over me! But don't think for one second that had you chosen differently, I would have never have fallen in love with James. I would always have fallen in love with James. You were only ever a friend to me, and then you sacrificed that for killing people and serving a master who has now killed not only myself and my husband, leaving Harry an orphan, but caused the torture of Frank and Alice, leaving Neville. Who you also bullied! Cedric Diggory died because of your master's hand, Alastor Moody, Sirius, Remus and Tonks, several other students of yours are now here, because of your master."

"Albus Dumbledore stood for me, and protected me, I have been working against Voldemort since your death, in your memory!"

Lily's teeth clenched. "In my memory? You have spent the last seven years insulting my son, and bullying his friends. You have spent the last seventeen years hating James and insulting him at every opportunity. To work in my memory should have meant to be kind to my orphan son, to make him enjoy his subjects, to not insult every last ounce of good left in Harry's life. Instead, your twisted mind somehow decided that 'in my memory' meant bullying every shred of good and friendship in both mine and Harry's lives."

"James and I saw the way you treated Sirius when you were a guest in his house. We saw the way you treated Remus, insulting him at every turn, hating him mindlessly and eventually exposing his unfortunate condition to the entire school. You put him in public scrutiny and humiliated him."

"He was a werewolf, he should never have been allowed to teach children!"

"And you were a Death Eater! You should never have been allowed to teach! You were a bully at Hogwarts from first year through to seventh year, you were as bad as James and Sirius were, although they stopped in sixth year when they matured. You still bullied, torturing muggleborns and making their lives a misery, and you still did, even as a teacher! And yet Albus still appointed you as a teacher, even after your Hogwarts years"

Snape was furious, this wasn't going the way he had anticipated it to go. "But I renounced being a Death Eater!"

Lily's voice was hard when she replied. "But you originally chose to be one, Severus, and Remus never chose to be a werewolf. He was bitten at the age of five. He couldn't get any jobs in our world, and had to live as a Muggle after James and my deaths. Albus gave him his first job back in the Wizarding world in 1993, and you ruined that."

Snape took a step closer to Lily. "Please!" He begged.

"Please, what?" Asked Lily. "Forgive you? I'd forgive you for calling me a Mudblood, but you called me one earlier, so clearly your prejudices still exist. Forgive you for bullying my son? Never! I am grateful you protected him, so grateful, and nothing could ever change that, but we can't be friends again, Severus. Your actions towards my family and friends, and to my son, prevent that."

Snape had one last go. "But.. I never thought.. I always thought.."

Lily looked at him. "Thought what? That you'd die and I'd forgive you for everything? Tell you I loved you and that I never loved James? Tell you that I'd leave James and Harry, abandon them to the Afterlife and renounce my family, all for you? You're even more arrogant than I thought!" She turned away, backing from him and twisting on her heel, apparating away from him to return to her husband, but it was too late. Snape had latched on to her arm and was carried with her.

They landed in the hallway of the Potter's cottage. Snape looked round, his face twisting in disgust at the many photos of Lily and James covering the walls, of the photos they had of Harry. Lily turned to him, her face hard and furious, her eyes glinting with anger.

"Get out, Severus, you are not welcome here!"

Upon hearing this, James and Sirius rushed out of the living room, their wands raised.

"What's he doing here?" Sirius exclaimed, while James looked between the Death Eater and his wife.

"Thank you, Snape, for protecting Harry." At this, Sirius' face softened and he reiterated the expression, before adding, "although, judging by Petal's expression, you were brought here unintentionally. You aren't welcome here, so get out!"

Snape's face twisted maliciously. "I will, as clearly Lily spends her days in company that I'd rather not torture myself with."

Lily's face turned towards him with hatred, and Snape realised too late that he had once again sacrificed his only chance of friendship.

"Out, Snape!" She spat, watching with satisfaction as he turned and left her home.

As the door closed behind him, Snape's face darkened with hatred. He had thought, as Lily had insightfully said, that she would have just left the Potters and come with him wherever he went. Instead, the opposite had happened and he knew, now, that he should have realised that Lily would hate him for the way he treated her child.

As he walked down the street, his mind burning with anger, he realised that his one hope of a future was gone, and now, he didn't know what to do. It was as he thought this, that a cloud consumed him and he was taken away to the office of those in charge of the Afterlife.

Later that night, he sat in the small bungalow they had assigned him, far away from the Potters, and stared into the fire. They, too, like Lily, had been grateful of the work he had done against Voldemort, but had also held up the sins he had performed in his life in comparison. They had thought that he was lucky to be in the Afterlife, to be able to be in contact with those he had known during his life. He had thought that his actions for the past sixteen years against Voldemort meant he was entitled to be in the Afterlife, that he was entitled to have Lily. After saying that, however, they had thrown him out with disgust, and although his presence in the Afterlife was a reward, they assigned him the bungalow as punishment for his arrogance and assumption.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N I hadn't originally been going to write another chapter, but I've had enough reviews complaining about my treatment of Snape and my characterisation of Lily that I thought I'd clear a few things up.  
Snape: I hate Snape. He deserves everything Lily said to him, and although he ended up being good... In no way was he a hero. He made Harry's student life miserable... This is how I think Snape would be in the Afterlife. This is how I think he would act, and I'm the writer, I'm not going to suddenly change my beliefs just to suit everyone else. My story wouldn't be my story then, and it wouldn't be very good because I wouldn't be passionate about it. This is my version of Snape, and if you don't like it.. Tough.  
Lily: I've been told my Lily is a bitch. Right... Firstly, Lily is partly being my voice here. I still think she'd say that stuff anyway, but telling me the way that I've written Lily is wrong and that she is a bitch is not fair. One, because I'm not a mind reader, this is how I see Lily, and two, calling Lily a bitch is calling me a bitch. I have, however, allowed every review through because I don't want people to think that they're the only person who hates my characterisation, or that everyone loves my story. It's not perfect, I accept that, and it's a controversial topic, I knew that when I wrote it. But it has been wanting to be written for months now, just floating around in my head, and eventually ended up on paper, then on FF, and then got a load of abuse flung at it. (Thanks for that, by the way) you have to remember, while Lily is off talking to Snape, someone who has been controlling to her since day one, and then called her a mudblood.. (She still wanted to thank him, she's not ungrateful), the Final Battle was still going on. Remus and Tonks had just died, Harry had lost them, and Harry himself was in mortal danger. She is so unbelievably stressed that I think she had the right to be mean to Snape, who did just make a move on her. I'm not taking back what she said, but this chapter is going to explain that, or I hope it will anyway.

* * *

It had been a week since Severus had died. His small dark bungalow had morphed to fit his personality. It was slightly larger, with a potions room nestled inside. The summer outside, however, barely seeped in. His dark atmosphere had stayed after his death, and now his house and the outside world were as separate as his dungeon rooms and the warm cozy staff room at Hogwarts had been.

When he was sitting in his front room that day, a week after Voldemort had finally been defeated, a slight movement caught his eye. Two women were making their way up his garden path, each supporting the other. One had shining, glossy auburn hair, the other, drab brown hair. While his heart leapt at the sight of Lily, he was confused as to the identity of her companion. Until the woman lifted her head. Tonks. Severus had not been aware that she too had died. As he moved to open the front door and beckon his (unfortunately two) guests inside, Tonks noticed him and with a fleeting glance at her companion, moved her head in the slightest of movements, but a definite 'No' nonetheless. The warning in her gaze was clear: 'don't come out'. He was disappointed, but having been on the receiving end of Tonks' wand once, did not want to face her again, not in front of his precious Lily, anyway.

While Lily walked up to his door and bent down, presumably depositing something on his doorstep, Tonks waited where she could still see Snape. When Lily returned to her side, they slipped their arms round each other's waist in a gesture of mutual support and the two grieving mothers moved away.

When they were out of sight, Severus slipped to his door and opened it cautiously. On the step was a letter, written in Lily's familiar cursive hand. Returning inside, he settled down into a chair and opened it.

_Severus,_

_Thank you again, for looking after my Harry. I can never thank you enough for the work you did for the Order and at Hogwarts to protect him. I would like to apologise for the way I behaved last week, I was angry, and I believe rightfully so, but I should not have treated you like that, we should have had a mature discussion, like we used to, when we were friends. I miss those times, you know, and I always will. James and Sirius would like me to convey their most humble apologies in this letter, they have apologised before but would like me to reiterate them. They are truly sorry for the way they treated you in Hogwarts, and are both so grateful to you for what you did for Harry. As is Remus, and Tonks. They all know I am writing this letter to you, hence the thank you from all of them, and Tonks will come with me to deliver it._

_But back to last week. I was wrong to shout at you like I did, but please understand. While you may have died, so had Remus and Tonks. My son had just lost the both of them, two people who he admired and loved greatly. And my son himself was in mortal danger. I did not have time to be gentle with you, my son nearly died. In fact, my brave boy put himself in front of a killing curse from Voldemort himself to protect the people fighting in the school. He survived, but so many have died. He found the Resurrection Stone, and shortly after you left my house, he summoned myself, James, Remus and Sirius to join him on what he believed was a walk to his death. It broke my heart once more, just to see his face, his fear apparent._

_So my son was in peril. I had no time to be patient with you, I had no time to spend with you, as I needed to return home and ensure my son's safety, my Harry's life. Please believe me, while everything I said last week I meant, it was in a fit of anger, and I bitterly regret how I said it, and how I left it. But not what I said. Never that._

_I forgive you for calling me a Mudblood all those years ago, and I forgive you for calling me a Mudblood last week. And I am so, so grateful to you for protecting my boy. But I am still less than pleased about how you treated him in his time at school. You hated him from the minute you set eyes on him, even though you had never met him. Harry is my son, I carried him for nine months, and he knew my love for just fourteen. I loved him when I gave birth, I loved him every day we shared, and I loved him when I put myself in front of Voldemort for him. I will always love him, and he will always be my priority._

_I do not want to be friends again, Severus, your behaviour prevents that. I have people in my life now that are more important to me; James, Sirius, Remus, Tonks and Marlene. And I am waiting for my son now, though I hope it will be many years yet before I see his face again. But I would like to be civil, I do not want to avoid you, I can't avoid you. Whether I like it or not you were a part of my life for several years._

_But your actions after that day in Fifth year, I can't, Severus, I'm sorry. It hurts too much. I am glad you lied to Voldemort for so many years, so, so glad, but you initially were willing to sacrifice a baby.. And for that I wonder how much of you is the part of you that was my best friend. Where has that Severus gone? Time has changed you, you cannot deny it. You are not the same boy that explained Hogwarts to me, those long ago days in the park near my house. Even when working with the Order, that does not release the dark that you did. You are good now, but you are not the same boy._

_I do not want to be friends, Severus, but I do want to thank you once again from the bottom of my heart for protecting Harry all those years._

_Lily Potter_

Severus stared at the letter in disbelief. It held what he had hoped for, had been longing for for so many years. Lily's forgiveness. But it held it in such a way that it spiked at his heart. She had signed it Lily Potter, clearly showing that she was married to that awful man and would never be his, and she had refused all signs of friendship. He stared at the letter for a long time, his hands shaking. Her references to her son bit him every time, the mention of him being her priority especially so.

He wondered where he had gone so wrong, that he could ever have believed that Lily would place him more important than her own son. Her apology to him, now, seemed tainted by her references to her family and friends. Her handwriting that he had missed so much, seemed unfamiliar and alien.

Severus' last hope of reconciliation was gone. He thought it had gone with the letter's arrival, but Lily knew it had gone the minute he bullied her son on his first Potions lesson. It would take time, but eventually Snape would realise it too.

In his heart, sitting by his window, he apologised to Lily. He knew now that he had expected too much of her, had always expected too much of her. The day he died, he should have understood. And he apologised for not doing so. For being angry.

* * *

A/N in writing this... Yes, you can feel sorry for Snape. I have written it to be so. I have not forgiven him and will never do so, but I can feel sorry for him having to spend eternity on his own, even if it was his own fault.

Also, quick point, for some reason while writing Lily's letter, her voice kept veering off and becoming Laura Main's in my head. That's for all you other Call the Midwife fans out there.. I've probably inflicted you with it now too!


End file.
